Every time I heard that song from “My Fair Lady” I think, I should write something about my street. We are all crazy, no fooling. Let me give you a short taste of our neighborhood. One evening, this man came running out of his house trying to hoist up his undies while chasing a baby deer. We never could figure out where this man came from or why he had a baby deer in the first place. (Or why at 6pm he was hoisting his undies either.) Then there was the fat lady on the kid’s bike who’d knock herself in the boobs while weaving all over the road. [It was hilarious and highly entertaining!] She’s in prison for theft now. She somehow got these kids that were not related to her to case houses at all hours of the day and night. This was also the first time I truly understood the term “white trash”. These people brought their trash WITH THEM when they moved in!!!! — a broken van up on blocks, rotten cardboard boxes, you name it they had it!
In the house next to ours, there were parent-sanctioned drunken teen orgies.. The father also cut up sides of beef on the hood of his old car. The car’s for sale by the way if you are in the market for one.
The attached photo (I hope.) was taken at another house on our street. (Please do not call the number. It was really the house and not the commode that was for sale.], now a convicted felon that looses his pit bulls on unsuspecting passersby lives there. [No the police do nothing.] The house on the end of our side of the street was once a church. Nice people. Before it was converted into a house I would have never thought of turning a house of God into a home. It really looks nice though, big open spaces. The house on the opposite corner is of no consequence other than it is very pretty, Victorian and a childhood schoolmate of mine lived there. All the houses for rent on the street are populated by trash. I don’t understand how anyone can want to live in a place that is destroyed–by their own hand nonetheless. The biggest problem is the old bed and breakfast house. It’s now green but it was blue-painted asbestos siding for years. It was feared far and wide by child and adult alike. Tales of teens in the 50’s running past the house after a night at the movies are frequent. There used to be these this hedge in front of it and the initials LCS in the sidewalk. I and many others learned to sprint by passing this place. Nothing good comes of this place. I call it Bad Karma. I was in it once and NEVER AGAIN! I ran face-to-face into the ghost the whole neighborhood knows as the Grey Lady. She doesn’t want anyone living there in HER house and gets rid of any living inhabitants very quickly. One of the renters claimed to have seen another old lady in the house and the ghost of an old Indian (Native American) in full headdress. I don’t know about that, but I do know that one family let their daughter die of a simple kidney infection in the house. They were Christian Scientists. It was a very tragic event. Pretty cheerleader, the school officials tried to get custody of her to take her to a doctor. Legality won over sense. No one has claimed to see her ghost for whatever reason. She probably didn’t like the Grey Lady! I hate to tell the current occupants. They have worked so hard to make it their home. Maybe this bunch will succeed and stay……..The neighborhood would really love to see it burned down once and for all.
Then there is the showcase house–next door to Bad Karma. If anyplace is robbed on the street, it’s always this house. It stands prominently, closer to the road and taller than its neighbors. The neighbors next to that have always been home-owning trash. The first one had a son who always robbed the stereo system from the son in the showcase house. Everyone knew who it was so in a few days this idiot would bring back the stuff and say he was sorry. He’d do the same thing a few months later. Today an El Salvadoran family lives there and are usually fairly quiet–except for their drunken parties on holidays and Saturdays. It’s truly annoying. Please enjoy your music in your own house. I’ll come over if I want to hear it. Don’t rattle my windows and keep me awake with it I say! The house next to them is a loser who I think his whole life is consumed with finding things to burn. His wife was seen dirty dancing on pipes they used to cover the once open ditch. I told you-CRAZY! Next to us, and we are crazy enough too, is the druggie son of a rich realtor in town. The son has a new girlie every month. I don’t know WHAT they see in him. He’s got this slimy long hair he wears in a bun. The house isn’t big and fancy either. They have five dogs including neglected pit bulls that try to jump the fence in back, so I’m afraid to go out in my own garden. These last three houses are on a small rise. Past these houses it’s a different world that I hope isn’t as crazy. So that is where I live……………………………Is your neighborhood this…colorful?